Seek and ye shall find

http://yourgirlontheside.wordpress.com/

Where have all the flowers gone?

It has been about 6 months since I have had to admit that finding a Dom through this blog did not work.

There are things I would have done differently, like pacing so as not to burn out.

So where does this leave us?

Well this blog will retire. There will be a new one when I figure out my next step, which will likely be more switch oriented. If you are looking for me now try the fetish sites, I am still on there and meeting people.

More than one day…

I’m going to decide that I need more than one day’s notice to plan a hook-up. Sad isn’t it?

What I had hoped with my little Hamilton day trip, was that given the proximity to Toronto that the wide variety of men who claim to be “always ready” would be. I was thinking I could meet up with someone quickly before my meeting and then play longer with someone afterwards. The morning worked out, the evening did not.

Strangely the guy who chose to step up to the plate and get a hotel room along the QEW on the drop of a dime was not from a fetish site, just one of the plain vanilla sites. He was older, worked in law.

Side note here: the two most common professions I come across in online hook-up are IT and Law. IT men still outnumber Law men about 5:1. So, ladies, if you want to know if your husband is screwing around on you and he works in IT, I would hazard that he does. Law… well lawyers already have a bad rap, and they likely know the good divorce attorneys.

The sex was okay in the morning slot. He is one of few men who made me cum very quickly. He was shorter than I like and not as well endowed as I like. The best part was definitely the fingers, and dare I say the oral. Why dare I say the oral, because oral – I find – is rarely something that gets me off.

He has a fantasy to fuck a girl with a large strap on – yes he is compensating for something. I’m not sure if that fits into my fantasies but I’ll take a few days to bat the idea around.

The best part of the day was running into an old lover. We’re meeting up again tonight for the first time in about two years. It promises to be a good night. He never disappointed.

Heading to Hammertown, Looking to get Pounded

Boooo, bad pun!

Heading to Hammertown, looking to get pounded!

Toronto isn’t THAT far from Hamilton, but I’ll admit I’m not inclined to travel outside of TO unless I have to. And, today (September 2, 2010) I have to.

I will be in town for the day only. I’m hoping I have more luck in Hamilton finding a hook-up than I did in London… well, the first time worked out okay, and the second time wasn’t a complete bust.

When can I play?

My meeting in Hamilton is from 11:30 to 4:30 on the Hamilton mountain. I am looking for some entertainment after the meeting to avoid the traffic jam.

Where will I play?

This is a day trip only, so I’m looking for you to provide a private place to play. Cars, bars and parks do not count as private. You’re office doesn’t either unless you can guarantee everyone has gone home for the night and there are no night cleaners.

I’m also not looking to head into the more sketchy areas of Hamilton.

How do you know that I’m not going to cancel on you?

Short of my event being cancelled, you can check out my previous entries from the some hook-ups I did in London on short notice: First visit, second visit.

What am I looking for?

First and foremost a good rough and tumble fuck. Female or male, I like to be grabbed, I expect penetration (condoms are absolutely essential for this) and I’m good for a few rounds.

I enjoy some kink with my sex. Some kink would include some light bondage, some spanking, I can arrange some lingerie, stockings, heels, corset, skirt, sweaters or ponytails – not whatever you want but I’m willing to entertain some ideas. Kink is secondary for me with the sex element being primary. I’m certainly going to be most interested in someone who is interested in both.

What don’t I do?

Nothing extreme. I’m absolutely not a pain slut. I’m a novice with anal, so I don’t like to go there on a first encounter, it’s not a hard “no”, just don’t expect it, or expect based on size I may not be able to (better to bring toys for that reason).

How do you get me to say “yes”?

1. Be organized, yes, seriously. I find most hook-ups fail because of logistics, no place to play, haven’t cleared an excuse with the wife (yes I do fuck married men / women), didn’t clear the afternoon for a meeting. Let me know you have all the ducks in a row so to speak.

2. Give me some great ideas of what you are expecting. It’s easy to shout “free-sex” across the interwebs, but developing a compatible scenario is a good way to make me feel secure about meeting you.

3. Be accessible. I don’t need your driver’s license and three pieces of ID, but making sure I have your e-mail and cell number is basic. I will expect you to call or text to confirm by 3 pm.

Broken Doll

Have I mentioned that I have no coordination what-so-ever?

Also, stairs are my enemy.

I’m the only person I know who has now injured herself multiple times somewhat seriously by falling UP stairs. WTF?!

Don’t get worried now it’s not all that serious, I am just hobbling around and am not moving so fast, I should be better in a few weeks.

In the mean time I am not going to be making any dates. There is a part of me that wants to make an exception for a very submissive man who would derive pleasure just by cleaning my apartment and bringing me fresh slices of watermelon… but yes, I really am only looking for a servant in that case and can’t see myself feeling well enough to provide sexual gratification for services rendered.

Being a bitch… because of a bastard.

A few of you may remember a while back I had use of a great hotel room in London for two nights and was looking for someone to fuck.

I know, some of you are saying you would have been there in a heartbeat, some of you I have fucked since and some of you who have since written me from London I know are interested in my return.

Would it surprise you then for me to say one of those nights was a complete waste? I was wet, ready to be fucked, and he was a no-show!

It happens to all of us, I rolled with it, didn’t let it bruise my ego too much and had a reasonable fuck the next night.

You might reasonably ask if I didn’t let it bruise my ego, then why am I bringing it up again?

Well, today I am on one of the hook-up sites and who contacts me? Mr. Stood-me-up guy! WTF?! I’m using the same profile, same picture (so is he) and this guy who never ever got back to me even with the slimmest glimmer of a sad-sorry-my-grandma-died excuse is trying to chat me up again.

As a woman I deal with my fair share of illiterate numb-skulls online, I am going to say this one takes the cake.

So here are some basic DON’T's for this fellow:

1. Don’t tell a girl you are going to come fuck her, and then not show up.

2. If rule #1 is broken, then don’t leave her with no word what-so-ever, at least text or e-mail some lame-ass excuse as to why you will be a no-show so she can use her back up.

3. If for whatever idiotic reason you can’t pull your head out of your ass to even do #2 then for the love of god don’t contact same girl less than three months later using the same chat thread that you stood her up on, trying to fuck her again – she’s not going to believe you.

Here is where I am a total bitch. I was willing to let the whole stood-me-up-in-a-perfectly-good-hotel-room go by the side, but now that he has made the completely tacky move of:
- contacting me again, and;
- when I called on it turtling again
I think I will call it a public service to expose him here.

SirCrimsonLord

SirCrimsonLord can be found on Collarme:
http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/436603/details.htm

And on FetLife:
http://fetlife.com/users/41612

Here is the transcript of our conversations as far back as collarme will let me go… it gives enough detail:

Girlontheside on 6/9/10 at 4:24 PM:

I find it’s different with different partners. Multiple sensations tend to be a big thing with me, but not necessarily with vibrators, which used for too long can often numb me. I find if I can get lost in what is going on if there is too much for me to keep track of that generally works best. I know that’s vague. Basically I don’t like routine.

SirCrimsonLord on 6/9/10 at 4:29 PM:

I will plan to keep your body fully active and experience many sensations.

Girlontheside on 6/9/10 at 4:37 PM:

I look forward to it.

SirCrimsonLord on 6/9/10 at 4:38 PM:

i’m already hard just thinking about having you

Girlontheside on 6/9/10 at 4:39 PM:

I love hearing that.

SirCrimsonLord on 6/9/10 at 4:40 PM:

i hope you’ll meet me at room door with not alot on

Girlontheside on 6/9/10 at 4:41 PM:

I can do that.

SirCrimsonLord on 6/9/10 at 4:42 PM:

I will want to start by blindfolding you, tieing you on bed spread eagle and slowly licking your body while teasing your clit

Girlontheside on 6/9/10 at 4:45 PM:

Hotel bed may be tricky to tie me to. Headboard is on the wall, it does have a base with wheels.

SirCrimsonLord on 6/9/10 at 4:46 PM:

i’m sure i can improvise

Girlontheside on 6/9/10 at 4:47 PM:

Bring long rope? I’m going to head out for a bit before my evening. I have a blackberry if you want to keep chatting you can e-mail yourgirlontheside@gmail.com

SirCrimsonLord on 6/9/10 at 4:51 PM:

ok, enjoy your evening and i hope you start to get wet about 9:45pm thinking of me exploring you

Girlontheside on 6/9/10 at 10:02 PM:

Ready and waiting, you still in?

Girlontheside on 6/9/10 at 10:39 PM:

I am guessing this is not happening.

SirCrimsonLord on 8/8/10 at 10:05 AM:

You look and sound like a fun girl on the side

Girlontheside on 8/8/10 at 10:11 AM:

Yeah, you sounded fun to until you were a no-show in London.

This may not be the most mature moment in my hook-up life, but right now it feels pretty good.

Thanks to all the lovely lads who have fucked me, I look forward to fucking many more of you.

Your Girl.

Do you want me to be your slut?

Do you want me to be your slut, or a slut?

I thought this was an interesting topic of conversation that came up with a guy last night.

The difficulty I have with the slut role is navigating which men want me to be their slut vs. a slut.

I think for some men the concept of having a slut plays very much into the madonna/whore complex.

For me the idea of being a slut has always been about sexual variety and promiscuity. Then awhile back I came across a discussion on Fet Life where a number of self-proclaimed sluts were advocating that a slut is simply someone who enjoys sex a great deal, in great quantity, and following this logic a slut could be a ‘private’ slut, that is a slut to only one man.

This concept of ‘private’ slut has never quite made sense to me, but I think it has explained some of the men who approach me about being a slut.

I could never quite resolve this approach that some men have of being turned on that I consider myself a slut, but then wanting me to be their own ‘private’ slut.

However, if I take it to the madonna/whore complex I wonder if these men consider sluttish behaviour to be something to be cured, the cure of course being their cock.

In this scenario they would cure me of my sluttish behaviour by fucking me with their cock, which I would then from that point forward crave to the exclusion of all others. The secret of my sluttishness being that I had never been fucked properly and they will cure that with their manhood buried deep inside me.

The man then proves his manhood above all the other men I have fucked by domesticating my slut. So they are turned on by my previous sluttish behaviour because the more men I fucked the more potent their manhood when they domesticate me to their own ‘private’ slut.

This then also in my pseudo-pop-psychology world proves why some men get so upset that I want to continue to fuck other men after I have fucked them. In this scenario I am undermining their manhood by not allowing the pleasure of their cock to erase all desire for other cocks (and cunts).

To be fair not all men are this way some of them are very turned on by the idea of having me as a slut for them once in a while, and those men I’m happy to speak with.

What makes you so special?

Just because I am a self-proclaimed slut does not mean I don’t have standards.

Strangely once I put it out there that I am a slut I now have a large volume of e-mail to sift through. I probably should have seen that coming. The first few times I set up an online profile I found all this attention really flattering. Now, I find it disappointing. Not the attention that is but the quality of it.

I would quickly trade in a few quality e-mails for the now all-too-familiar generic online sex-chat that barely passes for language.

The thing I have the most trouble explaining to men is what it is — exactly — that I am looking for. What, as a potential sexual partner could you say to me that will have me set a date, time, location and show up accordingly ready to fuck and be fucked?

Simply put I want you to tell me what makes you so damn special?

It’s not that I’m all that and a bag of chips (okay maybe I’m the bag of chips) but if you take the time to read even a few of my blog entries you will have a better perspective of me, what I’m looking for, and what I can offer you than I will get from 99.9% of the men who contact me online.

Let me give you some examples from the last week of what is in my inbox in the way of messages trying to get me “interested” — FYI these are all random unsolicited* e-mails.

Guy 1: Greetings slut not sub, what are you going to be looking for when you change your profile?

Guy 2: where r u now

Guy 3: Your head being pushed down.
Ramming into you.
Telling you what a dirty little slut you are.

Guy 4: tell me where your staying

Guy 5: Hello GOTS I am sorry i missed you…took a quick look at your blog very interesting….if you would like to chat, i can be reached here on __________ or on msn

Guy 6: SLUT is good!!

Guy 7: Wow how hard isn’t it to subdue a lady. Especially someone older, I’d make you moan till you begged me to bust my load all over you. I’m young and with stamina and energy. I’ll make you drip all over me.

Guy 8: how about I rip your panties off and use them as a blindfold and with your bra, I tie your hands up behind your back, and grab you by your hair before I slide my cock into you and fuck you like the slut that you are?

Guy 9: good morning.

Guy 10: hello wanna be a slut for 2 guys in toronto for the weekend? were staying by the airport come and let us use you

Guy 11: I do like sluts myself

i ama switch but very kninky and love a slutty girl to play with

let me know if interested now or i can leave a number for when you are feeling slutty

Guy 12: Hello, if my profile interests you please feel free to reply. Take care.

Guy 13: Hello I am a straight somewhat older (52) Dom in the GTA. and I do seek a “piece of fuckmeat” a slut that needs a strong hand to allow herself to let go and be the nastiest wildest slut on 2 legs. Thats why your profile caught my interest…. interested? Please respond and lets see where this goes….

Guy 14: hey how are you?

Guy 15: I love to have you as my mistress

Those are the entries from today… to be more specific from after 4pm.
*I suppose they aren’t technically unsolicited since I do have a profile on a sex site, they are maybe more accurately first contacts.

The point is these introductions tell me very little about you.

When I ask about you I tend to get the general run down…

I am X height, Y weight, married, live in TO, need discretion, want to [insert graphic line from above]…

Hate to break it to you guys but your height, weight and marital status are not going to be the deal clinchers for me.

So we move past that and we decide that both of us are responsible adults and will use condoms, in addition we agree that we are not axe murderers and will refrain from trying to kill each other.

We may chit-chat about our dogs, favourite movies, politics, #fakelake, or other safe small chat, and the truth is if you get me this far I may actually be considering if I need to visit the salon before I see you.

However I would be lying if I said that there were not a good number of well-meaning, yet horny men who bored me and did not strike me as interesting individuals who I have chatted with but never bothered to do more.

I think this is where the double edged sword comes into play. Men, I think, have death by silence; while women have death by volume.

Most men seem to have adopted the tactic that they should just turn up the volume and that delivering quality content is simply over rated and generally a waste of time since most women aren’t going to go through with it anyways.

For me all that does is raise the volume and I can say that each persons share of voice gets smaller daily.

In short, you guys and gals in marketing will do real well, the job is to cut through the clutter. What makes you so special?

Confidence.

I finally came to a conclusions on the “am I a sub question” as well as the “what am I looking for in a Dom/me” and “will I ever be a Dom/me?” It was a long drive back from London but a productive one.

One BIG issue I have with what I will loosely term as the BDSM community (those that I’ve met in person and via fet sites) is that while there are some spectacular people the vast majority seem to be people with incredibly low self-esteem. They do a great job masking this for the most part behind postures of the Dom/me or willing sub, but far too many need the role to pretend confidence or need to be reinforced in their sense of low self-worth by feeling exploited.

Looking back at the encounters I truly enjoyed they all had one thing in common – confidence.

I believe in reviewing the experiences I have truly enjoyed that it has not been the person’s skill, experience, technique or philosophy of being a Dom/me that made my favourite experiences my favourites. It was simply an incredible self-possessed confidence that road above the encounter and was not touchable by whatever we chose to do that evening.

This answers one question clearly for me. I will never be a Domme.

Never you say?

No, never. No point in trying. Something has always turned me off about it in a way. I have made excuses about wanting to learn the sub role first, about not being sure how to run a scene, about being unsure about pushing my partners limits too far.

They are excuses.

The truth is I am turned off by displays of weakness and vulnerability. I like confidence, and, while I am sure that some subs have a lot of confidence and are truly seeking the release I don’t like the display.

The other two questions are fairly simple to answer from here.

So are you or aren’t you a sub?

As many many partners have pointed out to me — no I am not.

What I am is someone who likes some kink in her sex.

When I think of what I enjoy it is pushing a partner to meet me sexually. Grabbing, sucking, having a struggle over control and never really knowing who wins but to both keep pushing because that is fun. Neither of us needs to be in control because the point is to push what is control.

Also, when I think about what does not give me pleasure: I’m not turned on by pain, I hate serving — it bores me silly, I really don’t care about “how” you like things done, in my opinion we’ll find our own way.

It’s fair to say between the two I don’t have a submissive bone in my body.

What about this Dom/me you’ve been looking for and your quest?

I think I gravitated to the BDSM community because I do enjoy some kink in my sex.

Also since the identification of “I like confidence” is so latent (yet frustratingly simple) it makes sense that an overt display of confidence is something I would then seek.

I ended up disappointed when I discovered the people that were using it to help bolster flagging confidence.

I don’t think I can in good faith say that I am looking for a one-and-only Dom/me to induct me into a progressive release of control. I’m never going to let go of the control, and I need you to be confident enough in yourself that my sense of confidence, specifically my sexual confidence will be a huge turn on for you not a turn off.

To give an analogy I’m looking for a great dance partner. (Note: I am a terrible dancer, this is only an analogy).

I would be very interested in a person who likes to explore kinky sex. Who does not need the role of Sub or Dom/me to define the activities, but expects a push and pull for control in any sexual encounter and will be incredibly aroused by that.

Does this mean you don’t want to be spanked? I was looking forward to that.

Absolutely not! Spank me, tie my hands behind my back, put nipple clamps on me, make me beg you to cum in my mouth. I want all of that.

I am still continuing my ‘search’, and I am in some ways celebrating this moment since it gives me some clarity on what I’m looking for. This means I’ll be more likely to look for people that seem comfortable with making stuff up on the fly than those who have a deep and abiding philosophy on BDSM. I’ll be looking for people who have ideas for adventures rather than who have fixed and established fetishes.

I’m sure this entry will disappoint some who saw themselves as potential teachers in a long journey, and to those people I wish you good luck in your personal search.

For those of you who think this is a fun idea, write me. Lets give this a few months worth of experimenting and see if I still feel that this is the way to go.

Meh.

I know you were all looking for a titillating story about tonight’s adventures. Sorry to disappoint. More sorry to be disappointed.

First my apologies to the gentleman who I met in London previous, when he e-mailed me this morning I should have dropped all other plans and asked him to come directly over and make me cum — lesson learned.

Okay I am being unfair, the gentle man I met tonight was perfectly nice, had a great sense of humour we shared many of the same entertainment interests and I had a great time chatting with him.

I also need to shoulder some of the responsibility, I did not ask for more.

I suppose this is an etiquette question for the fellows out there:

Here is my thinking… after you boys cum, I know some of you need some time to re-charge (I mean we are not all 22 anymore). So my general course of etiquette is to let you re-charge, try to entertain you in any non-pressure way that seems appropriate and wait until you seem ready to go again, I assume you will give me a signal.

My signal to you is that I stay naked, completely at your disposal and chatty so that we are not falling asleep.

Do I need to be more direct than that?

I suppose you are wondering what is the blow by blow was?

We met in the hotel bar, conversation was nice, if you haven’t fucked me yet I’m a total geek and that is always a quick way into my pants. So we had a couple of drinks and retired to my room.

He seemed to make himself at home and began quite well, some light hair pulling, getting me out of my clothes, bending me over the bed, starting me off in the high wing back chair and then moving me and pushing me onto the bed.

His fingers were nice. Deep inside me. He did try some vibrator play which did little for me, and he quickly adapted to using his tongue, fingers and was quite a passionate kisser. I also loved the back tattoo.

He had a good sized cock although tyranny of hydraulics — perhaps I should have called it at one drink — still good sized and tasty.

There was some nipple biting, and then he decided he wanted to fuck me which was accompanied by an instruction “not to move” which resulted in fucking light.

He then asked me to suck him off again and his cock became quite pliable and responsive to this second attempt and his cum was sweet and easy to swallow.

Unfortunately dear readers thus is the end of my tale. We chatted for at least two hours there after. See my question above about if I should have been more direct, but really — this is suppose to be a touch of D/s so I do expect quite a bit of leadership from Sir of the day.

Le sigh.

It was a nice evening, not really regretting, just in need of a good hard fucking.

Sincerely
Your Girl.

P.S. there are still unused clothes pins on my bedside table.